


Storm in the Teacup

by heracotta



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Inferiority Complex, Insecurity, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, angst with happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:15:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24396370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heracotta/pseuds/heracotta
Summary: “After all these times, I was just a replacement wasn’t I?”
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Ushijima Wakatoshi, Ushijima Wakatoshi/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 26
Kudos: 183





	1. He's Prettier.

Tsukishima arrived at the gym 30 minutes earlier than the planned time but he figured he could wait that 30 minutes. It wouldn’t feel that long. He should first grab a coffee nearby and wait for his boyfriend at the lobby. His team finished practices early today and there was nothing going on for the weekend. Not even the museum he’s working at has any schedule arranged for him. So he thought he could use that free time to go down to Tokyo and meet his boyfriend before he’s off for more busy days ahead.

The gym lobby was still empty when he stepped in with his coffee in hand. He went straight to the waiting area and took a seat to enjoy his cup of coffee. There weren't a lot of people waiting at the lobby besides him. There was a group of young girls and three other people just hanging around and waiting too, probably.

Tsukishima heard steps and loud chatter approaching the lobby when he stood up to throw away his empty cup. Sure enough, around the corridor heading to the lobby, he saw Ushijima walking ahead with Oikawa by his side and the rest of his team behind him. He threw away his cup and walked a little closer to the corridor to make himself seen. Not that it wouldn’t be any problem to notice a beanpole stuck like a sore thumb in there. Ushijima made his way towards him the moment he noticed Tsukishima standing there. Oikawa followed while excitedly waving and called out his name. “Kei-chan!”.

At his loud yelling, Kageyama who was walking head down, raised his head meeting his eyes and gave Tsukishima a nod and a curt wave. Tsukishima returned the nod and brought his attention back to Ushijima and Oikawa, steadily walking closer towards him.

“Oikawa-san!” Suddenly the group of girls who were waiting from the moment Tsukishima arrived just now sprang up from their seats and hurriedly approached Oikawa, stopping him. “You’re going home with Ushiwaka-san?”

Oikawa looked a little puzzled but still smiled when he replied. “Yes and no? My boyfriend is picking me up with them soon,” he said, gesturing at Ushijima and Tsukishima, still standing a few meters apart. Ushijima stopped too, because Oikawa was hanging on his shoulder and kind of forcing him to walk together.

“Eehhhh? Ushiwaka-san is not your boyfriend???” Damn their voices were loud, Tsukishima thought. He just watched everything without saying a word.

Oikawa laughed loudly at the question. “Nah. Waka-kun here has Kei-chan over there already.” He turned to smile and Tsukishima and turned back to the girls, whispering. “Perfect match made in heaven, if I said so myself,”  
  
“Noooo, you’re prettier than him,”

Okay now that stung. Both Oikawa and Ushijima were so stunned at the bold admission, they turned to him to see his reaction with worry painted all over their face. Tsukishima gritted his teeth and made his way to Ushijima, not without staring at the girl who gave the remarks straight in her eyes.

“Let me take the second bag for you,” he quietly said, taking Ushijima’s second bag off his hand. Ushijima grabbed his arm and pulled him gently for a peck on the cheek. Tsukishima flinched a little at the gesture.

It wasn’t that it’s unusual for Ushijima to kiss him like that, in fact he always does it in a nonchalant way -often in front of his teammates. Even Kageyama was no longer shocked when Ushijima just went ahead and kissed Tsukishima in the open. But it felt weird now, after hearing what the girls said about them. Something heavy and uncomfortable settled in his heart, and as much as he wanted to smile at his boyfriend, and smile he gave, he knew it didn’t reach his eyes. And he knew Ushijima knew.

“I’ll wait for Iwa-san outside,” Tsukishima added. He glanced at the girls and let his smile stay a little while before making his way out with Ushijima’s bag. He dropped his smile as soon as he was out of range. Something was brewing in his guts. What he hates the most was that, somewhere deep in his heart, he agreed with the girls. Oikawa was cuter, he was prettier, and everyone knew Ushijima used to chase Oikawa and insisted for him to go to Shiratorizawa, back in those days. Even after both Oikawa and Ushijima told him that it was nothing more than just about volleyball, Tsukishima thought that he wouldn’t even blame Ushijima if he grew to like or even love Oikawa with how much he wanted the latter in his team.

He stood close to the parking area. Iwaizumi would pick them up and go for dinner, four of them. He was looking forward to this too, but now? The uncomfortable lump lodged in his heart started to make his brain yell at him to take off and return to Miyagi right now. It was one thing if disappointment came unexpected, but it was a different hurt when he knew it was coming and the universe made it happen just to prove how doomed he was from the start.

He’s exaggerating by now, but can you blame him? Tsukishima closed his eyes and inhaled sharply, feeling the cold air seeped into his chest. The cold sensation somehow soothed the pain. And he waited.

\---

“Tsukishima Kei is the most beautiful person I’ve ever known. I love him. A lot. Don’t hurt him with your words like that,” There was no change in Ushijima’s tone, but Oikawa knew he’s angry. His deep voice sounded harsh and stern while addressing the group of girls. They cowered when Ushijima stepped towards them to make his point.  
  
“Wakatoshi-kun, it’s alright now. Let’s go meet Kei-chan, yeah?” Oikawa placed his hand firmly on Ushijima’s bicep, calling for his attention. Ushijima didn’t respond to that. He only stared at the cowering girls for a minute and turned around to join Tsukishima outside of the gym.

They walked away for a little while before Oikawa spoke. "I didn't know you could say such thing about Kei-chan,"

Ushijima turned to glance at Oikawa. "What do you mean?"

"Beautiful. Love. Kei," Oikawa sang. "To think that you used to _'chase me around'_ but you've never used that kind of tone. You were all harsh and stern," he chuckled before trying his best impression of Ushijima. "You should've come to Shiratorizawa,"

Ushijima didn't say anything to respond to that. He looked ahead and caught sight of Tsukishima standing near the carpark with his bag.

\--- 

Dinner went alright. Ushijima was behaving as usual, Iwaizumi didn’t know what was wrong until he arrived home with Oikawa afterwards. Tsukishima was a little quieter and Oikawa did a great job with keeping the conversation going, topic after topic, not forgetting to include Tsukishima in the conversation.

Tsukishima has made a plan to stay over in Tokyo for two nights, but he cut it short to one. He didn’t tell Ushijima about this plan, only that he was coming over to Tokyo, so it was easy to pack up after the night. He let Ushijima hold him that night, and he gave into the touch and let himself drown in the flurry of kisses. He responded as he always did when Ushijima took him. Even with his heavy heart, Tsukishima felt like he wanted to be selfish. He even demanded more from Ushijima, just so he could stay lost in the love Ushijima was so willing to give him.

He couldn’t lie, though. It was hard for him to smile sincerely, when his brain was so busy supplied with ‘if-onlys’ and ‘what-ifs’. Many of them involved Oikawa, and god he tried to push those images away but for some reason, he failed to do so this time. The rationality failed to accompany him this time.

Tsukishima jolted awake some time in his sleep. He had a sensation of something exploding so loud nearby, but the room was quiet aside from Ushijima’s steady breath behind him. He reached for his phone, looking at the time. 

**7.51 AM.  
  
**It's not night anymore.

When he placed it back on the nightstand, he felt Ushijima hugged him tighter. He settled back in bed and lightly patted his boyfriend’s arm to tell him _‘it’s nothing’_ and _‘go back to sleep’_. Ushijima definitely didn’t want to go back to sleep, if his sloppy kisses on the back of Tsukishima’s neck was any indicator. From the slow pace of his kisses, Tsukishima definitely didn’t expect him to suddenly give him a bite on the shoulder. 

“Toshi,” He hissed at the pain and gripped Ushijima’s hand. His boyfriend didn’t respond to it, but he licked and kissed on the bitten spot. It almost felt like he was sorry, until he moved to the other side of Tsukishima’s shoulder, peppered it with kisses and bit him hard for another.

Tsukishima gasped and wrenched his way out of Ushijima’s embrace but he only made it halfway before Ushijima pulled him again. Tsukishima gave a little fight and turned to face his boyfriend. Something about his behavior just didn’t add up. 

“Stop that, Toshi. What are you doing?” He flicked the night lamp on so he could see Ushijima’s face. His face was half buried in the pillow, his arms were still loosely holding Tsukishima, but his eyes weren’t on anything. He just stared straight ahead, into the bed, no expressions. Tsukishima waited, he knew that guy heard him. And then he finally, finally moved his eyes to look at Tsukishima. He held there for a long few seconds before trying to bury further into the pillows. 

“I’m sorry,”

“What, did you finally realize that it was just me?”

Ushijima snapped his head towards Tsukishima at that remark. It caught Tsukishima off guard, and he didn’t know why he said that or what he was hinting at. No. He knew. He knew, and he definitely knew what he was trying to do. Did he hit a nerve, now? Maybe if he digs further…

“What are you talking about Kei? Of course I realized it’s you,”

“Did you? You didn’t mistake me for Oikawa-san?”

Ushijima’s eyes grew wider. He tried to tighten his embrace but Tsukishima was faster in getting out of the bed. He stepped backwards and away from the bed. “Oh my god, you really did, didn’t you?” Tsukishima scoffs. “After all these times, I was just a replacement wasn’t I?” 

“You are not a replacement,”

Another scoffs, and Tsukishima muttered “To think that I trusted you,” he looked back up at Ushijima and smirked. “The girls were right,” He turned and walked to the bathroom but Ushijima was faster, even in his drowsy state. Or maybe not anymore. He blocked the entrance to the bathroom with his arm. 

“Move aside, Toshi. I’m going to the bathroom,” Tsukishima said, staring straight at Ushijima’s own pair of eyes, offering no compromise.

Ushijima probably realized that it makes no sense to stop Tsukishima from going to the bathroom, so he dropped his arm. “Kei,”

“No,” Was all that Tsukishima offered, before he went into the bathroom, locked the door and soon enough the sound of shower filled the room.

\---

He didn’t know why he did that, or he said that. Was he so affected by the girls’ comments? That Oikawa was prettier? Tsukishima shook his head. It wasn’t that. He knew it wasn’t that. It was the fact that Oikawa was at some point held so much of Ushijima’s interest. He wouldn’t be surprised if the longing for Oikawa to be his teammate resonates with his desire for that guy to be his lover too. And what did Tsukishima do? Getting in the way. He couldn’t even explain how Ushijima’s attention suddenly switched to him. It was nothing intense like it was with Oikawa. It was a simple interest, but they moved from there quite quickly. Ushijima didn’t wait long to confess and asked him to be his boyfriend. He didn’t shy away from dates and doing all those mushy couple-y things. Although, if Tsukishima stopped and thought about it again - it really wasn't anything intense. Ushijima’s interest and expressions for him were probably dull compared to what he held for Oikawa.

Shoot, he really was just a replacement wasn’t it.

Even more so that now Oikawa became his teammate. All the happiness wasn't from what he and Tsukishima built together. It was from when his dream came true. For Oikawa to be his teammate, to be by his side.

Tsukishima gripped the rim of the sink in front of him. Why didn’t this hit earlier? Why didn’t he notice much earlier? After three freaking years in a relationship, all it took was a comment from a probably high-schooler to kick him back to reality. That’s pathetic. He let himself believe that it’s about Ushijima and him all the time. Those smiles, were they really for him? Did he make Ushijima happy? Or was it just a remnant from the happiness Ushijima got to taste from being around Oikawa? Even when Oikawa was already in a steady relationship with Iwaizumi, to think that Ushijima was so content just by being by his side - he was really that insignificant wasn’t he?

Why didn't Ushijima say anything more? ‘You are not a replacement’. Was that it? 

“Tsukishima Kei, you are stupid,” he said to himself, staring at the mirror. He hated that face, suddenly he couldn’t stand seeing himself in the mirror. He went back under the shower, fiercely scrubbing and trying to get rid of the warmth and lingering touches he shared with Ushijima a few hours ago.

\---

  
  


When he got out, Tsukishima went straight to pack his things, getting dressed and all ready to bolt out of the house. Ushijima was not in the room but he could hear the sound of the coffee machine and someone busied around in the kitchen. He put on his glasses, grabbed his bag and made his way out of the room. He walked straight past the kitchen and went ahead for the front door, grabbed his jacket and looked for his shoes.

“Kei, do you w-” Ushijima’s question was cut short when he saw his boyfriend was all ready to leave. “Kei, stop right there,”

Tsukishima stopped whatever he was doing at the command. He straightened up himself, but didn’t turn to face Ushijima.

“You do not leave without breakfast,” Ushijima said.

“Watch me,” Tsukishima said with gritted teeth. His hand is already on the door’s handle.

“Kei,” his boyfriend (is he still his boyfriend after this?) called him again, louder.

“Ushijima Wakatoshi, you can call your Oikawa to accompany you for breakfast. I’m leaving,” And with that Tsukishima proceeded to open the door. What he didn’t expect was to see Oikawa Tooru - in flesh - in front of the door, petrified. His hand was posed as if he wanted to knock on the door. His eyes widened even when he saw Tsukishima was leaving and Ushijima behind him, expression tight and angry. Tsukishima choked on his breath. 

_It was one thing if disappointment came unexpected, but it was a different hurt when he knew it was coming and the universe made it happen just to prove how doomed he was from the start._

He pushed the door wider, corrected the bag on his shoulder and made his way out. Oikawa stumbled back a little, still shocked but Tsukishima didn’t care. Should he care? He didn’t know anything anymore.

Tsukishima Kei, you are stupid.


	2. You Are Not A Replacement. I Love You.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It has always been you,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for waiting! 
> 
> It's the first time I wrote for Ushitsuki, I'm glad it's received well.
> 
> This chapter is a little over 1k longer than the first, I've wondered if I should extend it to third chapter, but I think I'll wrap it up here. I hope the pace is alright :)

Tsukishima was awake about 5 minutes before his phone rang close to his head. He must’ve fallen asleep before he managed to put away the phone on the nightstand. He didn’t pick up at first, letting the sound blasted for a minute before it died. It rang again 2 seconds after. Deciding that it was too deafening to let it keep ringing, Tsukishima picked his phone and looked at the caller.

Yamaguchi.

His best friend and his timing. He pressed the green button and brought it to his ears, only hummed as a hello.

“Tsukki? Wha- are you still asleep?” Yamaguchi sounded distant and there’s a lot of muffled noises behind him. He could hear a shriek that sounded almost like Hinata. “Tsukki! It’s 5.35PM already!”

“Mmh. Let me rest,”

Yamaguchi laughed loudly at the other side. “No no no. Wake up, we’re getting dinner together. Kageyama, Hinata and Yachi are here!”

“Tsukishima-kun!” Yachi said her greeting.

“TSUKKKIIIIIIIIIIII” he heard Hinata yelled. Yamaguchi must’ve had his phone on speaker.

Huh? Kageyama? Hinata? Yachi?

Tsukishima sat up, still groggy and riddled with sleep. “Where are you?”

“Duhh, Tokyo! I just feel like dropping by to see Yachi. We’re going to this place Yachi likes. Come on! We’re still on our way there. Ushijima-san’s place is closer to here. I’ll send you the address. You won’t be late,”

Tsukishima let the silence fall. That’s right. Yamaguchi didn’t know.

“Tsukki? You there?”

“I’m back at Miyagi,” he sighed out the words.

“Miya- Tsuk- Wh- Wait, hold on!” Tsukishima heard loud rustles and a beep before he heard Yamaguchi voice closer. “Miyagi? What do you mean you’re at Miyagi? Didn’t you visit Ushijima-san?”

“I did,” That’s all Tsukishima wanted to offer. Yamaguchi was silent for a bit. He heard the muffled chatter and Hinata’s voice getting dimmer and further away.

“Is there something wrong, Tsukki?” his voice was soft now, carefully worded. Leave it to his best friend to notice things immediately from the way he answered. “Are you okay?”

“I’m safely home. I’m okay. You should go,”

He heard more rustlings and small sighs. “If.. if you said so. I’m going now. But I’ll go home as soon as I can,”

“Please don’t. Enjoy yourself out there. Spend time with Yachi,” Yamaguchi didn’t answer, but he could hear faint clicking. He must be restless with his fingers that he was unconsciously tapping at his phone. “Really, Yamaguchi. It’s alright. Take your time. I want to be alone too,”

Yamaguchi sighed again. “Alright Tsukki. You take your time too. I’ll see you when I get home,”

“Mm,”

Tsukishima ended the call and let his phone drop. He lied back down on the bed, pulling his blanket and buried himself in it. He really didn't feel like doing anything until he felt slightly better. But now, more sleep.

\---

He was startled awake 2 hours later to the sound of his phone, again. It’s already dark and he flicks his bedside lamp on. He looked for his phone and realized it was on the floor. He picked it up to see it’s still ringing with the name 

_**Oikawa.** _

Tsukishima thumbed the Reject button and plugged the charger into his phone. He would deal with anything else later, but first, shower and some food. He deliberately stayed in the bathtub longer than he usually did, purposely scrubbing every part of his body, washed his hair thoroughly and even put on a conditioner. Just a whole lot of self care he felt like having. 

When in fact he was just running away.

He knew Oikawa was going to confront him about Ushijima. Was he disappointed that it wasn’t Ushijima himself who went and reached out for him? A little. Some. Yeah maybe a lot. What does that mean then? Ushijima proved that he was right all along? That hurts. A little. No, it hurts a lot. He pulled his knees close to the chest and placed his forehead on it. 

“ _Just let me turn into a bath bomb and fused with the water and go down into the drain, please,_ ” he whispered to himself.

Tsukishima didn’t know how long he had been in the bathroom, but all his fingers turned pruney and he shivered when he got out of the tub. Dressed in comfortable clothes, he whipped up some ramen. ‘Just want to spoil myself with unhealthy food this once,’ he told himself. But he couldn’t even finish that little portion he made. So he cleaned everything up and started up his gaming console. He’s making a lot of bad decisions today. When he heard the startup sound of his console, it reminded him of his discarded phone.

He grabbed his phone on the nightstand, all-charged and flooded with misscalls and messages. He winced at the amount. He was about to read the messages when Yamaguchi calls came in. He picked that one up.

“Tsukki?” he heard his friend even before he said hello.

“Yeah,”

“Have you eaten?” That’s quite a simple question. He can answer that.

“Some ramen. Half ramen.”

“What? Tsukki, eat proper food,” 

“I’m not hungry. Also where are you? Don’t tell me you’re heading back to Miyagi now,” Tsukishima couldn’t hear much noise from Yamaguchi’s side, unlike the call before. It probably means he’s not around the noisy duo right now. He wished his best friend would still be in Tokyo and not trying to rush to be by his side and completely missed his chance to spend time with Yachi.

“Uh.. no. I’m not. You told me you want to be alone,”

Oh, thank goodness. Yamaguchi didn’t need to see him like this. “Yeah I did. Thanks,”

“You’re sure you’re okay, Tsukki? You want to talk about it?”  
  
“On the phone? Nah. You could be having spies over there listening to me while having this conversation on speaker,”

Yamaguchi immediately stammered at that accusation. “Wh-what no? I don’t have spies, why would I have spies?? Tsukki!” Tsukishima just returned with a chuckle. “Did.. did you have a fight?”

“ _This isn’t a game,_ ” Tsukishima started, ignoring the direct question. It’s a mumble, meant not to be heard. “ _I can’t settle as a replacement,_ ”

“What?” Poor Yamaguchi, not understanding what was going on in his head right now, but Tsukishima wasn’t about to spill everything there. He still needs to sort his head. He needed to feel stable and not on the verge of breaking into tears before talking about what was going on or what wasn’t going on.

“Nothing, Yamaguchi. I think I want to play some video games now,”

“Ah... okay. You still need the time?”  
  
“Yeah,”

They exchanged their goodbyes and Tsukishima went through the messages and misscalls. None of them came from Ushijima. Just a few from Yamaguchi, one from Yachi wishing him to feel better (Yamaguchi must have told them he was sick or something), and a lot from Oikawa. He didn’t bother to read them. He selected all of his recent messages and deleted them. Oikawa didn’t need to feel obligated to explain anything to him. It somehow crossed his mind that maybe Ushijima was using Oikawa as his middle man, but seeing that there wasn't any effort from him, Tsukishima felt that he should’ve just stopped hoping. 

\---

Tsukishima had just finished beating Amygdala in the Bloodborne game when another call came in. Careless and half-forgetting that he was supposed to ignore some people, he picked up the call and said his monotone greeting, while scanning for his progress in the game.

“Don’t hang up,” the person said.

_**Oikawa.** _

He was so tempted to hang up just to spite him, but for a second he thought that he couldn’t run forever and he was just being a kid right now.

“Kei-chan, how did it come to this?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“I heard from Wakatoshi,” he didn’t expect to hear that name came from Oikawa’s mouth to stings so bad. He felt so bitter and wanted to jab so hard the way he hurt.  
  
“Congratulations. Are you together now?”

“Tsukishima Kei, this isn’t like you at all,”

Tsukishima scoffed. What did Oikawa know about him? “Guess I’m broken now,”

“You are not a replacement.” Huh. He knew. Of course he knew. Of course Ushijima told him about it.

“Did he tell you to say this to me so I can fall for it again like I foolishly did for three years? He didn’t even tell me that I was wrong. ‘You’re not a replacement’, huh, yeah? Well I’m the Emperor,”

“Kei, you’re getting it all wr-”

“And he took his time to tell you what happened, he couldn’t take that time to convince me otherwise. What am I supposed to believe?” That’s not quite true, he just didn’t give him a chance to. He knew that in his head.

“Kei, I don’t kn-”

“Did he also tell you that he didn’t even correct me when I asked him if he mistaken me with you? That he’s shocked to realize that he was on the bed with me, and not you?”

_“Kei, you’re being very unfair right now,”_

Tsukishima immediately shut his mouth. Boy, he has a lot of things to say but he knows best to shut up now. He had said a lot, a lot more than he would like to unleash. It was all anger, he told himself. _Don’t lose to your anger, you’re already losing to them_.

“Insecurity. Huh, I knew that so well. It hurts isn’t it? All that work you’ve done, the effort you gave your energy into, the time you spent on - but the result isn’t what you’re expecting at all. The little pieces you’ve gained, can’t even compare to what you’ve lost and sacrificed.The love you’ve invested, doesn’t feel like it was returned at all.”

Oikawa waited for a few beats. “Kei, who do you feel you’re losing to?”

“You,” Tsukishima didn’t even have to wait to answer the question. The answer had already been in his heart, his mind. “It’s not a ‘feel’ anymore, I’m already losing to you,”

“Well, if you’re talking about emotional control right now, you are,” he could hear a slight amusement in his tone. “You thought Wakatoshi has been pining for me,”

Tsukishima didn’t feel like he wanted to entertain that question-statement. He bit his lips so he could force down any retorts he could probably let slip.

“I could see why. He wasn’t shy to tell anyone else about who he acknowledged. I only happened to be one of them, if I could say so myself. All about making use of my skills and everything, but I liked my school too much. He hated my pride. And I hated his confidence,”

“Should I listen to all that, Oikawa-san,”

“Yes. Because then you’d know that he never chased me for love. In fact, ‘chase’ wouldn’t be the correct term at all. He only bothered about my volleyball and I don’t know - disappointed I guess, that I went to Seijoh. But he never chased. It wasn’t my school he went to wait by the gate. It wasn’t a third year he approached during a camp to help taping his hands,”

Tsukishima knew what Oikawa was talking about. Ushijima first approached him during a camp held at Shiratorizawa ground to help him out with taping but he refused because it was really awkward and he already knew how to tape it himself properly. He also went to Karasuno on Valentine's day when Tsukishima was in his second year, to give him a few boxes of chocolates which according to him: Tendou and Semi helped him choose.

“Did you get it now?” His flashbacks were interrupted by Oikawa’s question. “People hyped that up because I look good and Wakatoshi look expensive so we look like we should be together. If only they know how wrong they are, though,”

Tsukishima bit the inside of his cheek. “He could still be thinking about you when he- when he-” his mind was brought back to where Ushijima couldn’t answer him properly this morning. He did look troubled and Tsukishima just went ahead thinking that it’s a look of longing on Ushijima’s face. Long for someone else.

“No, stop that thought. Ew. Listen, Kei, have you asked him what was he thinking?” Tsukishima shook his head, fully aware that Oikawa couldn’t even see that. “You haven’t. So why don’t you do it now?”

Tsukishima let the question sit for a few seconds. “He wouldn’t tell me a thing,”

Oikawa sighed dramatically on the other side of the call. “You try. Now that I’ve made my point, I’ll hang up. Kiss and make up, you silly goose. Wakatoshi won’t talk to me after all that and I’m blaming you for that. I still need to communicate as his teammate, okay? Bye Kei-chan. Come again to Tokyo when you’re free!”

And the line went dead. Tsukishima watched the screen dimmed to black. He laid down on the couch and let his body relax into a comfortable position. That was too quick, it was too much information, too overwhelming to handle. Is this pace alright? He just left this morning, shouldn’t he wait for everything to cool down for a little bit more? How long would that be? Would he be living for a few days without talking to his boyfriend? He wasn’t by any means clingy but being with Ushijima for a moment he thought he was worthy of love and he was addicted to that feeling. If he let go now would that mean he’s unworthy of love?

Let go? Did he want to let Ushijima go? The reason he was angry and - dare he say - jealous of Oikawa was only because he liked him, right? He was already aware how inferior he was to everyone else, about many things. He was too aware how there will always be someone above and before him but he thought at least with Ushijima he could be the one for once. He wished he could be the first and only one for Ushijima, if he couldn’t with anything else. Was he wrong about that? Was it too selfish? Did he even deserve that? 

\---

He was holding the phone under the pillow he’s lying on when there’s another short vibration coming, signifying a message. He unlocked it to see a message from Yamaguchi to open the door because he’s on the way up to his apartment.

“This guy, I told him to stay,” he muttered to himself, but he got up anyway and walked to his front door to unlock it for Yamaguchi.

Tsukishima opened the door to see Ushijima standing there, still in his practice attire, overnight bag in one shoulder - and soaking wet. He didn’t realize it was raining, too busy dwelling in his feelings but Ushijima’s appearance in front of the door looking like that and clearly freezing sent him a shock.  
  
“Oh my god you’re freezing!” Immediately he reached out and grabbed his shoulder to pull Ushijima into the house and onto the genkan. He dashed to his bathroom to grab a clean towel, already neatly folded in the cupboard. He hurried towards Ushijima and saw he didn’t even move a muscle from the point he left him to get the towel.

“What are you doing, you’re freezing, god,” Tsukishima removed his overnight bag from the shoulder and (shamelessly) pulled the zipper open so he could remove Ushijima’s soaking jacket. The material helped a lot by protecting his inner T-shirt from getting wet, but his hair, his face, and arm were all wet. “Come, let dry yourself up,”

Tsukishima momentarily forgot that they were fighting, that both of them were sulking and they still weren’t talking to each other. He patted his boyfriend's face and arms dry, and placed a small towel on top of his head. Ushijima stood very still while he’s fussing about but when Tsukishima was wrapping the towel around his shoulders, he lurched forward and hugged him tight. So tight that Tsukishima couldn’t move his arms to return his hug or do anything else.

“Kei,” Ushijima said, burying his face into the crook of Tsukishima’s neck. He tightened his hug and buried his face even further, as if he couldn’t get enough, as if he’s trying to inhale every Tsukishima’s being. “Kei,” Tsukishima could feel he grabbed a fist of his shirt at the small of his back, trying to squeeze him as much as he could. Tsukishima was no longer that lanky boy with frail arms, he had packed some muscles and flesh too, but he still felt the strength in the hug, filled with fear, filled with uncertainty. 

“Toshi, I can’t move,” he said. It didn’t hurt, but he really couldn’t move his arms. Ushijima immediately loosen his hug but moved his hands to hold both of Tsukishima’s arms, head down and not looking at him.

“I promise you, Kei,” he started, each word slow and steady. “You were never a replacement. I did not see Oikawa that way. It was only volleyball when it came to him. But you,” He raised his head and looked at Tsukishima straight in the eye. “You are my first love. It’s love when it’s about you,”

Tsukishima was unable to say anything to that and it didn’t seem like the guy was done talking. So he waited. Ushijima switched his hold to take Tsukishima’s into his and held it firmly. His hands were already warm and Tsukishima’s hands felt cold in comparison to his. Funny, because he was the one freezing earlier.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t say anything this morning. I was surprised that you’d doubt me, but it was my fault for not being clear.

I was upset that people couldn’t see that you’re mine. So I wanted to mark you. When you moved away, I was shocked. I admit I have to ask first before I bite you like that. It wasn’t because I just realized it was you and not Oikawa.”

Ushijima took a step closer. He was only an inch away from Tsukishima’s face. He brought his voice down, and quietly said, “I always knew it’s you. It has always been you,”

Ushijima was never fragile. He didn’t do ‘fragile’. It’s hard to crack Ushijima and it was always a challenge trying to get a rise from him. He was always firm and sure, honest and never faltered. But to hear the slight tremble in his voice when he said that, immediately sent Tsukishima to tears.

“I’m sorry I’ve doubted you. I’m not prettier, I’m not better than Oikawa. I didn’t know how affected I was by that simple comment. I felt like I was just slapped with reality,” he tried to whisper, to say them in a low voice but all his tears and all his crying didn’t help his case.

“I’ve always settled for second best or less, but for once I wanted to be the only one and the first for you. My fear got the best of me when I thought I couldn’t get that with you too. Because- be- because-” Tsukishima halted.

What he was going to say?

No.

He knew what he was going to say.

“-because I love you,” he nodded to himself. “I love you Wakatoshi,”

Ushijima immediately cupped his face and dived in for a kiss. He pressed the kiss so hard like he had scaled a mountain for it. He breathed in sharply, trying to take in Tsukishima’s scent and get drunk with it. Tsukishima brought his arms up around his boyfriend’s wide shoulder and pulled him closer. Both of them were just desperately trying to breathe each other in now, but not without tears tainting Tsukishima’s cheeks and some of them wet Ushijima’s face as they smushed their faces together.

Ushijima pulled away a little, just enough to let him see his lover’s eyes up close, lips close and still touching when he declared “I love you, Tsukishima Kei,” in his best attempt to whisper but it’s still so loud in the small space between them. Tsukishima couldn’t help but laughed a little, and cried even more as they returned for more kisses.

\---

The two content lovers were all comfortable and snuggled up in blankets while watching Netflix true crime series when Tsukishima remembered that Yamaguchi had never arrived. He immediately sat up and reached for his phone. Ushijima was already drifting to sleep but the sudden movement woke him up.

“What’s the matter?” he asked, voice heavy with sleep.

“Yamaguchi said he was coming, but he hadn’t arrived. I totally forgot about it,” Tsukishima said, typing messages at such speed when an attempt to call didn’t get through.

“Oh,” Ushijima rubbed his eyes and stiffled a yawn. “He’s not coming,”  
  
“What?”

“He’s still in Tokyo,”

“What??”

“He said he’ll make you open the door for me, but he was still in Tokyo. He stayed a night in Kageyama’s house,”

“Wh???” Tsukishima made incomprehensible questioning noise when a ding interrupted. A message. From Yamaguchi.

> **[11.42 PM] If you haven’t kissed and made OUT yet, I’m not picking up your calls. Send proof.**

Tsukishima made more strange noises, making Ushijima move from his spot and peeked at his phone. 

“Yamaguchi is funny,”

Tsukishima slapped his arm lightly. “He’s not funny??? He’s making me worried for a moment just now,”

“Do you want to call him?”

“He said he’s not picking up,” Tsukishima exhaled and placed his phone on the side table.

“Because we haven’t made out yet,” Ushijima crawled on top of his boyfriend and gave him a peck on the cheek.

Tsukishima could feel his face heated up with the gesture and the proximity. No, scratch that. Proximity? He can feel Ushijima jr.! “Aren’t- aren’t you tired?”

His boyfriend pushed his glasses up and kissed his eyes. “I’m strong,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi totally had Ushijima listened to his phone call with Tsukishima and made that cheeky plan.
> 
> And Oikawa dropped by in the morning to return Ushijima's bag left in Iwaizumi's car because Tsukishima totally forgot about it. Nothing scandalous :P


End file.
